ScRaPbooK`

 

Writer's Block 

lmao lmao lmao, only everyday....kairi.....fuck you .... love :)

 And then he says 'text me k?' like he did last time.... will it be another two months before I see and hear from you again??? :s

Definitely woke up this morning smack dab in the middle of a moment of clarity. The realization that I’ve been focusing on relationships in such a serious way that I was forgetting why having one in the first place was so wonderful. I mean a relationship would be great but I think I forgot that the whole point of any meaningful connection at all was to be with the person you care about, and I do care about him.  Maybe more than he cares for me but still don’t want to give up on him. My head has been ‘naobiangiaoijt98anieghoai’ about him for SUCH a long time, and people have been laying out their advice in front of me to the point that I don’t know what to honestly think anymore. He could very well be the lying bastard they say he is, but they really don’t know him and quite frankly neither do I. Not enough to know what the truth looks like.  There was one piece of advice that I did get that really opened a new perspective on the situation. I was told that I could take my chances with him and be happy, or take my chances and not be, or even not chance it at all and spend the rest of my life wondering on the ‘what if…’.  So I figured I would take my chances and find out where it goes.  Here is hoping I don’t get my heart torn out and handed back to me. How unfortunate that would be.

So after waking up and realising this situation was going on I decided to send him the text message that follows;

« Smile hun like this :D because if I remember correctly you had a heart melting smile »

His reply:

« Awww, where did that come from :p »

To which this sparked a conversation about how I still think about him (which I do) and how much I want to see him again. The last time that was a possibility I was in Nova Scotia, to which he told me that he wouldn’t be available for a long time and I was like ‘okay…’ but then as we started talking this morning  he apparently can hangout this weekend? And has available weekends coming up? See this is where I’m ssoo confused about him. How can you go from no weekends to a bunch? Do they not tell you anything in the army or what? Or are you lying to me about the time you have off base? *sigh So much for that clarity.. 

*him = Justin

    Okay so I guess it took me long enough to realize that life isnt like a lengthy chalkboard, where unfortunate events and decisions could be erased with the slightest swipe of the hand.
    If only it could be that simple. Life is more like a grand stone tablet where everything is engraved; but to which the unfortunate things are always engraved with deeper and darker lines.
    So that in those times when youstop to look at the tablet of your life, you can see all of its writings.
    Take care to notice that the lines of the tablet that are darker stand out more, and will out last the other things that are written there.
     No matter how you go back and read your life, the dark markings are prominent and permanent.
     You carry this stone tablet on your skin, people see what you see, but their eyes catch and fixate on the darker lines.
    It's only human nature to judge...how do people judge you?

How do you spell awesome? With the events of this past weekend. It was truely a trip I don't regret in the slightest. I'm really happy that we did this because the experience was the greatest that it could have been. Deciding to stay at the hostel was a probably the best idea for this weekend. I wanted to stay at a hostel because I had never done it before but almost my thoughts on the hostel were that it was going to be sketchy and a bit on the akward side. To be honest it wasn't anything like that. I mean it there is always that hint of uncertaintly and akwardness when meeting new people but the good thing about it was that the other people who were staying there were people who were part of Katimavik (www.katimavik.org/). Our experience most likely would have been a whole shit load different if it were other people staying there and not the people from Katimavik. 
There were some minor difficulties getting there and Jill was about as annoying as a fucking five year old who learned the "song that never ends" only Jills' was "when possible make a U-turn". I was never so glad to make a U-turn in my entire friggin life. On the way there it was quite fun on the highway. A car drove up beside us and were trying to promote a NESTEA drink to us. Like WTF I do not want a frosty beverage I'm driving. 
Egg hiding went quite well. We got the eggs all made up and then went to the Champlain mall. Which Jill didn't know where it was which is ridiculous because it is fucking HUGE so I had to search for place close to it. The mall was kind of a disappointment because there wasn't anything good worth buying except for these expectionally awesome sticky notes and some cds, one of which was an vinyl cafe cd with some really great stories recorded on there. Incredibly funny :)
I was a little upset when the weekend was over because it was such a great time :( if only we could have stayed longer.